Ambition issues

What did you wanna become when you were growing up? I had several dreams - vet, clothes designer, CSI. In that exact order. I have never wanted to become a princess. Or a ballerina. Or a stewardess (flight attendant my a**). Nor did I dream of being a manager. A marketing director. Any director, for that matter. I just wanted to do something interesting, something that would make a difference.
Now it's time for the inevitable question : So what? Everyone had one of those dreams. Everyone thought, after probably listening to M.L.King for some inspiration, that they would change the world. Ghandi bullshits. Most likely, you wouldn't change anything. You will have a shitty job in a shitty office, that will bring you enough excitement not to start a mass suicide forum...with your shitty coworkers. I know I will.

And I'm not really pissed off. This is the way life goes, I guess. But I really wish there is more to that. I'm not asking to reach the stars, go to Africa to cure cancer, bring peace in Iraq or even become the next mayor of Mezdra. I just wanna find out how to bring a tiny little piece of happiness in people's lives. I know I do it with some people around me. But I wanna go big (don't we all?). Changing the world is not for me. I would never handle the pressure of 8 billion people staring at me waiting for their part of the puzzle. However, I find hope. I find time to dream about backpacking places where tourists don't set foot. Leaving the 16 years of education and opening a bar at the seaside. Having the guts to start over again, when I realise I have failed.

How come so few become what they truly want? Is it really a shift in dreams or a spank by reality? "Baby, I know you wanna become a waitress and be happy, but you need a job that PAYS. Go finish your bachelor thesis now!" ... Everyone wants to go big, huge, massive. Otherwise, you lose all sense in life, do you not? 'Be the best you can be' slogans all over. Food making you stronger. Drinks making you fresher. Pills making you happier. Everyone is obsessed with becoming something more. Constantly. If you're not ambitious, you lose. In life. Punto.

I believe in second chances. I believe in looking for something more. Not in terms of big, in terms of different. I am a reflection of my mum's ambition, my dad's money and my bro's support. I am a result of the efforts of so many people to formulate my mind, body and soul, to put me in a box and define me. We are all unique cliches, aren't we? With our laptops, assignments, music and sports, language studying, coffee drinking, patterns following. I don't wanna be different. Everybody is. I wanna realise where my same-ness would feel best.